Looking at all this brings back painful memories from when I was growing up. I have regain control f some of those nasty time, and I have learned to be more accepting of myself, still the first thought that appear when things are not working out is ”what do you expect…?” Or something along that line. Today I am at peace with most of it and I am able to function quite well and accepting who I am and what I am. And every so often something will trigger a reaction and cause feelings to well up and for a short time I feel disoriented and vulnerable. In the past these spurt of depression would last for days or weeks, today after a few minutes I can get in touch with it and carry on. In the past I used to curse and blame everybody I felt was responsible for my short coming. Today I can acknowledge them, learn from them and carry on. The beauty in all of this is that I am continuously learning and in applying the acquired knowledge I am able to bring healing and peace to others and to me this is priceless.
I am not afraid to try all kind of new things I am at the forefront of discovery and I love it, I love the process. I am not afraid of failing I have failed countless time, I usually learn something along the way. I am certainly not afraid of success, I have known a few of those, although outwardly I play it cool, inside I am jumping up and own. You know the duck syndrome, placid and composed on the surface and paddle like hell underneath. What I am afraid of is not to succeed, and for me that’s a huge difference. OK I have some work to do on that one. Better get to it.
